Scattered

Author’s note – I am still getting used to editng before posting. This is an updated post from what I intended to post yesterday. My apologies if you see a post that gets temporarily yanked. Hopefully, I get this editing process down eventually.

I play on the worship team at my church every other Sunday. This last Sunday, I woke up a little later, moved a little slower, and showed up a little late to rehearsal.

I felt scattered. My brain had a hard time focusing and I began to feel overwhelmed.

It was in this moment that I prayed. I asked God to help me, because even though I felt scattered, God is never scattered. He is whole and complete, and only He can make me whole and complete. Only He can pick up my scattered pieces and put them back together.

I wish I could say that clarity came right away. Instead, this prayer became my Sunday morning mantra. It was in my head as we rehearsed, and it continued as I talked with people. When the service started, I finally found myself in a place where I could let go.

I think prayer is like that a lot of the time. Prayer doesn’t always lead to immediate relief. Sometimes it does, and sometimes the “relief” isn’t what we thought it would be. Prayer is more of a process. It is a process of letting go of our own circumstances, and handing them over to God.

I think that is really where true worship starts: when we can let go of ourselves and focus on God. When I am fixated on myself, then I’m stuck in myself. I don’t have a good grip on reality in those moments. It is when I finally let go of all desire for control, and when I let go of trusting in my own capabilities that I can trust God and His capabilities.

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