I’ve had this big, hairy, audacious goal for a long time. That goal is to write a book. Its a goal that I think a lot of people have but not very many people succeed at. Its a goal that I have used as an excuse to not pay attention to this blog.
The only problem is, I have made very little headway on my goal.
I seem to be suffering with what I think most writers suffer from: self-doubt, insecurity, and honest to goodness laziness.
I’ve started several ideas and they have fizzled. I have written off and on privately, but I end up stuck. I end up not making it very far before I have stop what I’m doing and move on with the day.
On one hand, I think that is okay. When many writers start out, they don’t just write. They have other jobs too. However, I feel like life is a balancing act right now.
On one hand, I need to be faithful with where God has me. I need to be faithful with my 8-5, not just with work but also with people. I need to be working hard and following through on my commitments during the day.
However, I also need to be faithful with the gifts God has blessed me with. One of those gifts is writing. The hard truth is that if I’m not writing, then I’m squandering some of the things that I have been given.
We all have those truths in our lives. Those things that we know we are supposed to do, but then we don’t do them. There is a whole list of excuses that come to my mind to not write – I’m too busy; Work was hard today; Why would someone want to read what I have to say?
Those excuses, though they feel like they have a tinge of truth, tend to hide something deeper in me – fear. When I sit and think about it for a little while, its not even the fear of failing. Instead, it is the fear of success.
Questions come to mind – what will be required of me? What effort will I truly have to put in to truly follow through? Success, or even just downright faithfulness, requires effort. Then, if God sees it fit for the effort to lead to something, things can get even scarier. True, living out your calling brings great fulfillment, but it is also scary as crap.
For me, that scary thing is writing. What is the scary thing for you? What’s the thing that fills you up when you do it, but you feel so much resistance trying to keep you from doing it?